Blog — Relationships

How to Overcome Apology-Phobia

Given our propensity for hurting each other -- usually inadvertently through our clumsiness or our being inconsiderate -- getting good at apologizing should be standard-issue emotional equipment for membership in the human race. And it is. Any one can do it. Here are six strategies for letting those two most powerful words: I'm sorry, come out of your mouth. 

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8 Strategies to Complain Your Way Into a Happier Relationship

Could a toilet seat lid start a revolution or a romance in a marriage? Both are possible. The choice is yours. Learning how to work together in a relationship will take you where you want to go. Sometimes you've got to complain that the lid is up, if you want it down, but there are "best practices" in complaining which will help the work, work. Here's a piece I wrote for Huffington Post that takes your relationship beyond toilet seat lids, toothpaste tube squeezing practices and beds (made or unmade)--  to the real deal: honoring and respecting  each other's preferences.

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Embracing the Power of Imperfection in Your Relationship

SAli / Sally / SAli Boti.....which ever you prefer / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

Happy Valentine's Day. Yes, this is a day dedicated to love and connection, but if you're not exactly feeling it, don't worry! Maybe you and your partner got off on the wrong foot this morning and you're thinking-- "What's wrong with us, we're supposed to be happy, it's Valentine's Day!"  It's time for a re-think. If we don't fear the glitches and bumps in the road in our relationships, we may find that they are the very pathways to a deeper connection. Here's how.

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How to Apologize: Overcoming the Fear of Saying Your Sorry

Leyram Odacrem / Foter.com / CC BY

I've been thinking about apologies lately and it reminded me of a blog post I wrote about a year ago on that very topic. How is it that apologizing-- the very thing that repairs relationships—the closest thing to a relationship magic wand that we've got— is so hard for us to do? One key is to shift the mindset and remember that though an apology is something that we give to another person, it is also something that we give to ourselves. We unburden ourselves, and can ground ourselves in the understanding that we don't have to hide our mistakes or imperfections, that it is through our vulnerability that we connect and connect most strongly. Another key is to remember that you are apologizing for what you did, not for who you are. And then of course it's helpful to keep in mind that people are generally very grateful and appreciative when we do apologize. So basically, apologies are a relationship win-win. Check out the blog post and happy, healthy apologizing! Click here to read the post.

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How to Survive Family Holiday Gatherings, And Even Enjoy Them!

Cia de Foto / DecorLove / CC BY-NC-SA

Many people can't wait to get together with their families for the holidays; others dread this time of year. I am going to go out on a limb here and say in most families the potential is there for both experiences! There's goodness to be shared, and there are minefields to be tiptoed around. But this is family—our families— the only ones we've got. Here's a post I wrote a while back about taking on the challenges and finding the good during the holidays. It's a favorite of mine, I hope you enjoy (and share it with a friend who really needs it!). Happy, healthy holidays and all best wishes for 2015!

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To Fall in Love Again, and Again, Ask Questions!

couple23

Hello dear readers! A few weeks ago I started to write a post about what to do with the habits of your partner that well, aren't your favorite (enthusiastic chewing, unfortunate puns, socks just outside the hamper, you get the idea) perfect for Valentine's Day, right? But then I came across this wonderful love story in the New York Times Modern Love column by Mandy Len Catron-- "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This"-- and it inspired me to write this post instead about enlisting our curiousity rather than our anxiety when it comes to our most important relationships. I promise I'll finish the other post, too-- worry not! Happy Valentine's Day, all!

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New Year's Resolution for Your Relationship: More Kissing

Smiling couple

You may be wondering what kissing has to do with anxiety, and why I am writing a blogpost about it. I think we would all agree that the best antidote to anxiety-- that sense of threat and fear-- is connection. Sometimes the stresses of daily life interfere with our ability to connect and that disconnect can ripple out into the family. But connection and stability are contagious, too and children thrive in a family built on harmony and love. So, this new year's, resolve to bring more love and meaning into your home every day-- a simple kiss is a great way to start. Happy, healthy new year to all!

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How to Stay Connected When Valentine's Day is a Family Affair

Kissing coupleHappy Valentine's Day! Yes, we are all a bit weary of the hype, but when it comes down to it, what a great opportunity to pause and appreciate the wonder of love in your life! For parents it can be challenging to stay connected when kids are in the mix, but there is one very important way you can do this. Today and every day. Check it out!

 

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Empathy 101: How to Listen Instead of Handing Out a To do List

Gratner/iStock by permissionDon't you love it when your kids teach you things that you thought you already knew... maybe even things that you thought you were already good at? I do actually really love when that happens (especially when I can blog about it!) and such was the case with an impromptu lesson for me, courtesy of my older daughter, on empathy. I hope her tagline: Empathy, period, resonates with you as much as it did with me. Here's to more empathy all around.

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How to Calm Your Pre-Wedding Jitters: Royal or Otherwise

Wedding JittersAre we excited about the royal wedding? How can we not be? Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are easily a fairytale couple, but when you listen to their story you can’t help but be struck by the genuineness of their affection for each other. Remarkably, they didn't know anything about each other and had to get to know each other themselves—wow, kind of like the rest of us! How did Prince Harry propose? Not at the Eiffel tower, or on some exotic exclusive island—but grounded, at home, in the kitchen, while trying to roast a chicken. How lovely is that? They know they need to keep choosing to focus their energy on nurturing their relationship and that is how they, and all of us, make meant to be happen each day. If you are getting jitters anticipating your own wedding coming up—here is a blogpost to help calm your nerves and warm your cold feet. Best wishes to all the happy couples. Here's to love!

 

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