Blog — Emotional Intelligence

After-the-Fact Mindfulness: Finding the Pause Button, Better Late Than Never

Ever had a bad morning that stays with you? I did, and I learned a lot from it-- about myself. Check out this piece I wrote on Huffington Post about patience, kindness, love and driveway etiquette. 

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How to Overcome Apology-Phobia

Given our propensity for hurting each other -- usually inadvertently through our clumsiness or our being inconsiderate -- getting good at apologizing should be standard-issue emotional equipment for membership in the human race. And it is. Any one can do it. Here are six strategies for letting those two most powerful words: I'm sorry, come out of your mouth. 

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Mastering Transitions: Trust That You'll Adjust to the Changes In Your Life

Change is the one constant in life, and yet, when we face it, we feel totally unprepared and want to run the other way. Why is that and what can we do about it (especially considering that changes-- even the ones that aren't so good-- tend to turn out pretty well in the end)? Here's a piece I wrote on Huffington Post about mastering transitions, the bottom line:: trust that you'll adjust, it will help the adjustment happen faster.

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8 Strategies to Complain Your Way Into a Happier Relationship

Could a toilet seat lid start a revolution or a romance in a marriage? Both are possible. The choice is yours. Learning how to work together in a relationship will take you where you want to go. Sometimes you've got to complain that the lid is up, if you want it down, but there are "best practices" in complaining which will help the work, work. Here's a piece I wrote for Huffington Post that takes your relationship beyond toilet seat lids, toothpaste tube squeezing practices and beds (made or unmade)--  to the real deal: honoring and respecting  each other's preferences.

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Better Living Through Empathy: National Day Without Stigma

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October 7th-13th is National Mental Health Awareness Week. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): "An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older -- about one in four adults -- suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. When applied to the 2004 U.S. Census residential population estimate for ages 18 and older, this figure translates to 57.7 million people."  With numbers this high, one would imagine that talking about mental health concerns would be as matter of fact as talking about a sore throat, or knee replacement surgery-- and as no-fault.  As anyone who has debated whether to tell friends or boss about their depression or anxiety knows, we're not nearly there yet. 

Stigma is the obstacle. On October 9th, the grassroots organization, activeminds.org is holding a National Day Without Stigma. Removing stigma isn't just good for those who suffer with a mental disorder, it is essential for all of us.

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Being an Effective Parent: Managing Your Own Feelings

being-an-effective-parentTry as we may to be the best parents we can be and not overreact or underreact to our children's behavior and emotions, we are human and sometimes things don't come out exactly (or even nearly) as we'd like. Here are some ideas about how to take care of our own emotions so we can be there for our kids.

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The Valentine's Day Post: How One Simple Word Can Transform Your Relationship

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It's almost Valentine's Day, and while we scramble to find the perfect gift, maybe we've already got it! Researchers at University of California Berkeley have found the secret to love and connection can be revealed in the words we use in our relationships. What's the word that packs the most power? The one that is woven through the conversations of happy couples? It's the word "we." Check out why. And happy Valentine's day dear readers!

 

 

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What Robin Williams Can Teach Us

robin-williamsAs much as we are interacting with people who are suffering from depression everyday-- research suggests that at any given time as many as one in ten adults is in its grips-- the suicide of the beloved, Robin Williams, shook us, stunned us, and saddened us greatly. It also left us with many questions, among them-- what can we do to help people with depression? Here are my thoughts with special help from my friend, depression-insider, Therese Borchard.

 

 

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What to do when your child starts mouthing off

©Veer.com, used by permission

Don't you hate those "gotcha" moments, when (often in public, but audience not required) your child flings some words at you like-- this is lame, or, this dinner stinks, or, this vacation is boring-- and it takes all your strength not to fling some equally undesirable words back? Well, me too. Here are some ideas to get you out of the gotcha moment and make it a win-win situation for all. 

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What Parents Can Learn from Disney/Pixar's Inside Out

Inside Out

I don't think I've ever talked about a movie with patients as much as I have about Disney/Pixar's Inside Out. It is truly a one-size-fits-all film which can help any of us-- adults and kids alike-- understand and feel empowered to make choices about what goes on with the emotions in our minds. My new favorite intervention in session to help patients get a new perspective is to say, "Let's 'Inside-Out' this one. Who is in charge of the control panel in your mind? Who do you want to be taking over the wheel?" This strategy is not limited to the therapy room-- you could try it at your dinner table, or even at your next staff meeting and don't be surprised if you see the wheels of flexibility start to turn.

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